Aside

Just to clarify something.

I do NOT need to be made or defined into one of your labels.

Made or defined into what you think I should be, am scared to be or what I’m pretending to be.

Frankly, you don’t have any idea how I see a PERSON in my eyes

How I view

How I feel

When I see something or anything.

So no.

You can’t LABEL me as a fake or as needing me to BE something just because of your insecurities.

From the beginning i never really wanted to label myself, but family and friends we’re confused so I had to give them the best answer I could at the time.

“Family and friends, I am bisexual”

But see, because so many people (mostly girls) have turned “bisexuality” into a one night thing or several drunken nights kissing random girls or your best friend or maybe even farther than that, no one really takes being bisexual seriously anymore. They say it’s just a phase or your just experimenting or you just looking for attention.

Judgements.

That’s all the world knows what to do when they see something different and it’s actually pretty sad. But i cannot hate everyone for doing it because it was how we were taught to think as children. What a surprise, society in America isn’t such a great place to grow up after all even if it’s “getting better”. Sure. We’re still born into such small-minded creatures, so ignorant of “the big picture” There’s more worries in the world about people wanting same-sex marriage and inter-racial couples (yes this is still a big problem) than actual problems, like say world hunger or how about something that hits more to home like children in our country, yes America, they are homeless and hungry.

But sadly, the biggest news since this new year has been this:

How ignorant can people be. #ignorant this just got me so πŸ˜ πŸ˜’ #stupid just because he supports gay marriage he’s gay now? #gay  (Taken with instagram)

No Barack Obama isn’t gay. Unfortunately, him supporting gay marriage (which is amazing in my opinion) was the biggest talk of every news station, news paper, and comedy gag since the new year has started. Some say he “came out” until now on his stand in same-sex marriage to get more votes from the youth (I mean why not, it’s a great strategy). But think about it, even if it was for the votes, there is so much that comes with this responsibility to be the first president to support it.

I once saw this magazine cover as foul, ignorant and such a shot at the president, calling him gay just because he supports it. But as a human, I too made a mistake and made judgements. The article pertaining to the cover actually praised the president for finally making a stand and becoming one of the few powerful voices that the LBGT community actually have. The rainbow halo representing an angel to this community. Poetic.

But anyways,

Back to my rant,

The reason why i bring this up is because my mind has not been able to fathom why people think like this. I’m going to focus more on this labeling issue, because in my previous relationship, I felt like the core issue led to this in every single argument. Basically she hated men to the core, and me having previous relationships with men, she was so set on me leaving her for a man and that it was the worst thing I could ever do to her. Turn off and a half. I did not lie about my attraction to guys and I never really did lie to be honest. It was how I felt in the moment and in the moment I always said

“I’ve always been attracted to girls since i was little, I was just to scared to act on it. I’ve tried with guys and I can never get that emotional attachment to them, so don’t be intimidated when I say I’m attracted to men.”

All of this was true. I did try dating many times with guys and even relationships, either the guy was totally wrong or perfect but I wasn’t ready.The only thing that has changed since then is this feeling of restriction. Why is it one or the other? Why does it always have to be heterosexual or homosexual. The one thing i praise about myself is to have grown to have such an open mind. I have learned to use my observational personality to always observe and analyze people and situations. Always a listener. Upon this, I try to learn about a person through and through, and only until then I can set my opinion about them in my head. If I don’t have the time to fully meet them, then I have nothing to say about them. Simple as that, I despise gossip.

So her judgements on me even after our relationship ended, really did tick me off. Not because I still want her or anything of the sort, but because SO many people have this ideology.

Labels. Labels keep our world in order. Labels of sexuality, brand, race, nationality; Just to keep the world going round in an organized fashion. But just like in fashion, there are the Gucci, Louis and Prada’s and the Payless, Tello’s and Walmart’s. Just like in race, in America, the whites are the “majority” and what are the rest called? oh yeah “the minority”. So I know where I stand in the pedestal of sexuality.

I’m not gay

I’m not lesbian

I’m not straight

I’m not bisexual

I’m not transsexual

Just let your small minds think past all of that and just accept the reality. You don’t need to label me. So simple. But I know this is asking too much and people of this generation always want answers and quick! I am one of those people. When I can’t think of an answer or reason I “Google it”. We’re all guilty of doing it but in this little aspect, I hope people slightly open their eyes that it is not needed. So like I said, I hate labels, but I know I can’t avoid them. So as I went though this relationship, I really wanted to find a better answer for her other than bisexual because it is such an over used label and has a bad reputation for just being into girls for a night.

So I “Google’d it” lol and I found something pretty promising:

Pansexuality, or omnisexuality[1] is a sexual orientation characterized by the potential for aesthetic attraction, romantic love, or sexual desire for people, regardless of their gender identity or biological sex. Thus, pansexuality includes potential attraction to people who do not fit into the gender binary of male/female. Some pansexuals suggest that they are gender-blind; that gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others.[2]

The word pansexual is derived from the Greek prefix pan-, meaning “all”. In its simplest form, pansexuality denotes the potential of sexual attraction to all genders. It is intended to negate the idea of two genders (as expressed by bi-).

What I love about this ‘label” is that it doesn’t restrict my attraction to one or the other or has a bad rep. It’s real and is exactly how I feel. I am gender-blind. The way I am is I fall in love or lust with their personality.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,

and in my eye,

I don’t see any boundaries.

So I guess if I have to live in this world of labels, this is the only one I can withstand.

Labels

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I just want someone so bad
Someone I’ll want to talk to every second of the day
When I can’t feel their presence emotionally
I’ll get weary
I’ll feel the empty
space
When their at unreachable distances
Someone who’ll make me do anything for them
buy them whatever, do whatever
Dedicate the perfect love song
And reiterate our love in my own song

my heart is aching
There’s no one there
No one I can call my own
No one that really needs me
Like damn
But I’m too picky myself
Maybe searching in the wrong places
To fill these spaces
In my deep heart
Cuz superficial crushes
mend the surface
But nothing really comes within
Rides my veins
Pumps within
Makes sane me
Turn to insanity
And make my heart skip a beat
just cuz their too sweet
And no one needs to be the beast
Cuz our loves just beauty
It’s that ill, not even at its peak
But where to go
Where to find this person I seek
and how long will it take,
cuz the single life really needs a break
And I keep thinkin like
I just need a new strategy
But meeting all these people giving false hopes make me say
Is anyone real alive? Or are they all fake?
Cuz I’d really like to meet true love
I’d even settle for true lust
but don’t judge me cuz that’s just how society was
I mean is* and I still stand corrected cuz
The life I’m living is “unrealistic” since love didn’t come in high school like everyone else’s
and now people thinkin she lyin when she say she never lost it
but now I’m thinking honest
I pride myself for never doing it
Temptations always there but trust its hard to stop and ruin it
So when I say I’ll settle it’s just lust talking and I might just do it
But I won’t look down upon myself
Cuz Jesus already paid for the sins I haven’t even planned yet
But until then
I’ll stay patient
cuz I still have a conscience
and I don’t wanna blow it
I wanna live in it
And he died for my sinless life
So I’ll live it up and pray to him as best I can
Pray that love will find me first, I need that helping hand
But what’s done is done,
If I don’t have them clean hands
Remember, I am only human.

Evolution

I am evolving
Physically
Mentally
Emotionally
Coming to my own
Viewing society how it is
In and out
Viewing life
In and out
Contemplating my morals
New and old
Inspired upon and ones forced upon
Analyzing what I was
And what I am now
Accepting my past
And present
Accepting what I’m thought of being then and the present
Realizing what I truly am for the
Present and future
Realizing I will always be affected by society
Not accepting this