Aside

Just to clarify something.

I do NOT need to be made or defined into one of your labels.

Made or defined into what you think I should be, am scared to be or what I’m pretending to be.

Frankly, you don’t have any idea how I see a PERSON in my eyes

How I view

How I feel

When I see something or anything.

So no.

You can’t LABEL me as a fake or as needing me to BE something just because of your insecurities.

From the beginning i never really wanted to label myself, but family and friends we’re confused so I had to give them the best answer I could at the time.

“Family and friends, I am bisexual”

But see, because so many people (mostly girls) have turned “bisexuality” into a one night thing or several drunken nights kissing random girls or your best friend or maybe even farther than that, no one really takes being bisexual seriously anymore. They say it’s just a phase or your just experimenting or you just looking for attention.

Judgements.

That’s all the world knows what to do when they see something different and it’s actually pretty sad. But i cannot hate everyone for doing it because it was how we were taught to think as children. What a surprise, society in America isn’t such a great place to grow up after all even if it’s “getting better”. Sure. We’re still born into such small-minded creatures, so ignorant of “the big picture” There’s more worries in the world about people wanting same-sex marriage and inter-racial couples (yes this is still a big problem) than actual problems, like say world hunger or how about something that hits more to home like children in our country, yes America, they are homeless and hungry.

But sadly, the biggest news since this new year has been this:

How ignorant can people be. #ignorant this just got me so πŸ˜ πŸ˜’ #stupid just because he supports gay marriage he’s gay now? #gay  (Taken with instagram)

No Barack Obama isn’t gay. Unfortunately, him supporting gay marriage (which is amazing in my opinion) was the biggest talk of every news station, news paper, and comedy gag since the new year has started. Some say he “came out” until now on his stand in same-sex marriage to get more votes from the youth (I mean why not, it’s a great strategy). But think about it, even if it was for the votes, there is so much that comes with this responsibility to be the first president to support it.

I once saw this magazine cover as foul, ignorant and such a shot at the president, calling him gay just because he supports it. But as a human, I too made a mistake and made judgements. The article pertaining to the cover actually praised the president for finally making a stand and becoming one of the few powerful voices that the LBGT community actually have. The rainbow halo representing an angel to this community. Poetic.

But anyways,

Back to my rant,

The reason why i bring this up is because my mind has not been able to fathom why people think like this. I’m going to focus more on this labeling issue, because in my previous relationship, I felt like the core issue led to this in every single argument. Basically she hated men to the core, and me having previous relationships with men, she was so set on me leaving her for a man and that it was the worst thing I could ever do to her. Turn off and a half. I did not lie about my attraction to guys and I never really did lie to be honest. It was how I felt in the moment and in the moment I always said

“I’ve always been attracted to girls since i was little, I was just to scared to act on it. I’ve tried with guys and I can never get that emotional attachment to them, so don’t be intimidated when I say I’m attracted to men.”

All of this was true. I did try dating many times with guys and even relationships, either the guy was totally wrong or perfect but I wasn’t ready.The only thing that has changed since then is this feeling of restriction. Why is it one or the other? Why does it always have to be heterosexual or homosexual. The one thing i praise about myself is to have grown to have such an open mind. I have learned to use my observational personality to always observe and analyze people and situations. Always a listener. Upon this, I try to learn about a person through and through, and only until then I can set my opinion about them in my head. If I don’t have the time to fully meet them, then I have nothing to say about them. Simple as that, I despise gossip.

So her judgements on me even after our relationship ended, really did tick me off. Not because I still want her or anything of the sort, but because SO many people have this ideology.

Labels. Labels keep our world in order. Labels of sexuality, brand, race, nationality; Just to keep the world going round in an organized fashion. But just like in fashion, there are the Gucci, Louis and Prada’s and the Payless, Tello’s and Walmart’s. Just like in race, in America, the whites are the “majority” and what are the rest called? oh yeah “the minority”. So I know where I stand in the pedestal of sexuality.

I’m not gay

I’m not lesbian

I’m not straight

I’m not bisexual

I’m not transsexual

Just let your small minds think past all of that and just accept the reality. You don’t need to label me. So simple. But I know this is asking too much and people of this generation always want answers and quick! I am one of those people. When I can’t think of an answer or reason I “Google it”. We’re all guilty of doing it but in this little aspect, I hope people slightly open their eyes that it is not needed. So like I said, I hate labels, but I know I can’t avoid them. So as I went though this relationship, I really wanted to find a better answer for her other than bisexual because it is such an over used label and has a bad reputation for just being into girls for a night.

So I “Google’d it” lol and I found something pretty promising:

Pansexuality, or omnisexuality[1] is a sexual orientation characterized by the potential for aesthetic attraction, romantic love, or sexual desire for people, regardless of their gender identity or biological sex. Thus, pansexuality includes potential attraction to people who do not fit into the gender binary of male/female. Some pansexuals suggest that they are gender-blind; that gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others.[2]

The word pansexual is derived from the Greek prefix pan-, meaning “all”. In its simplest form, pansexuality denotes the potential of sexual attraction to all genders. It is intended to negate the idea of two genders (as expressed by bi-).

What I love about this ‘label” is that it doesn’t restrict my attraction to one or the other or has a bad rep. It’s real and is exactly how I feel. I am gender-blind. The way I am is I fall in love or lust with their personality.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,

and in my eye,

I don’t see any boundaries.

So I guess if I have to live in this world of labels, this is the only one I can withstand.

Labels

God didn’t make labels. Man did. God didn’t make boundaries. Man did.

I think people in general are just beautiful.
No matter what sex, race, shape or form.
If I’m attracted to you, I am.
Why put a label on attraction.
The way love happens, just happens. It’s a force between two souls, two persons.
An imaginary tug between two beings that simply cannot be cut, hidden, or destroyed.
Not by a fraction
Why ruin such a thing?
Why label it as anything and everything when it is just love.
And if it is love, then is shall be.
Right?
.. No.

Love is defined as a shared attraction between man and woman.
Not literally in those words
but in the unwritten rule’s,
the ‘in between the lines’,
the normality of society…
But man made this standard of society, not God…
And although I don’t know much of the man,
God gave us the power to love;
Hand in hand,
Something so sacred, so beautiful, so endless.

& Love knows no boundaries,
but man still makes them,
I just wish there was no standard to live up to.
No fear of rejection.
So it could have been easy to say,
I love her
just as it’s easy to say
I love him.
Wishful thinking I guessin’.

But seriously?
Can’t everyone just accept we were made from and by love
and will keep being made…
Made from love, not hate or fear.
Love never fails
It is proven everyday
And it must be accepted
In any form
Because God made man to love one another
And race or sex cant stand as a boundary any longer.

I’ll Love You The Most

By this time your back with her

I’m here with the lights on dim

Really its just a sin

That your missin’ out on me while you gutta with the leech

She’s just sucking you dry

She ain’t worth your time

Stop dealing with a lame when you got me by your side

Well I wanna be by your side

I’ll leave him if you stay by mine

All these days without words leave me with desires

For you and only you

And now I know its true

That I can love someone else after years with a heart turned blue

 

Why have this love affair

Why leave with questions to bear

If we want each other, let’s be fair

You know were just a better pair

I don’t want us living with regrets

So baby don’t fret

Because i’ll bet

You and me are just a better set

 

I’ve been numb, cold as frost, thinking i just lost

… You, but she’s not the one you choose

Is it? Nah I’m better than who you’ve had

As confident as the day I first met you, my bad

I’m not cocky but just speaking #truefacts

It’s just too bad

Distance ain’t nothing but a measurement

But it still leaves me mad

But nobody handles this shit better than us

‘Cause I swear you’re right next to me when we text, just us

It leaves me wanting more like fuck

But I can barely handle this shit like fuck

Can’t I have you without the fuss?

 

Why have this love affair

Why leave with questions to bear

If we want each other, let’s be fair

You know were just a better pair

I don’t want us living with regrets

So baby don’t fret

Because i’ll bet

You and me are just a better set

 

‘Cause all he got on you are just memories

Some cherished, but most are all just ancient history

The next is a title with me, but you can take that so easily

He’s extinct to me

Your riding the bull, you have the reigns on me

He couldn’t handle, but I know you can baby

And you know our sex life would be epic-intensity

Got me with this warm crazy feelin’

Life is feeling so pure with you, pura vida<3

I’m looking at a better future with you, no coldplay reflectin’

Just you and me, viva la vida

 

Why have this love affair

Why leave with questions to bear

If we want each other, let;s be fair

You know were just a better pair

I don’t want us living with regrets

So baby don’t fret

Because i’ll bet

You and me are just a better set

‘Cause with her your settling for less

You know I’m up for the love quest

And you know I’ll be the one who loves you the best

 

Take It

I’m not giving up.
Although life may slip up.
I’ve got you on my mind, mind shut.
I can live through the empty cuts.
No luck, but I still crack its lock.
I got that good luck.
Stuffs hitting me like a truck.
But I can handle it.
Stuffs just getting more serious.
But I take it as just a little bit.
Take life easy so I spend my days with an open mitt.
Ready to catch all that bogus shit. Trust me it ain’t easy, but be blessed with the life you have, just take it.

Relief

Relief, feels so good
Weights lifted off, heals so good
Knowing you’ll be okay or at least you should
No looking back,but only if you could
Living in the past, hoping it won’t last
Now your free, no coming back
Just moving forward, even if you feel bad
Don’t feel for others, just you, be glad
You have another day, a new reason to smile
You don’t have to say, keep ’em guessing another mile
But then you get that call, dreading it for a while
Needed, pleaded for this to be an empty file
Nothing to be said, the call said it all
Just another day, where I felt the assault
No hope, no feelings just a big migraine
Can’t see no lights, sensitive with eye strain
Just wanna relive the relief I felt even if I ain’t sane
Hoping for the next, waiting with no regret
Thinking you’ll be here, even if you ain’t the best
Your the best I ever had, and I can’t think farther than that
If I wasn’t insane, I’d know, flat
waiting for you is the worst regret I ever had, true facts

An Optical Illusion

If you were to ever have a change of heart..
god I wish you would.
There is no trust to grasp from me,
but there’s nothing else to lie about.
I’m truly empty,
& distractions only fill me temporarily.

They fill me only temporarily
But I look happy don’t I
His arms around me, we’re kissing like it’s all new
And no one has a clue
I’m laughing so hard
I gotta make it look real
I’m empty & they don’t have a clue
No, they don’t have a clue

I love you, I miss you, but if you won’t try happiness with me,
Start over and believe,
One more chance to let us be
If you can’t do that,
I can only try to be happy for you
& your happiness now,
I’m not selfish,
But I still love you, I miss you

I love us, I miss us!
But I look happy don’t I
His arms around me, we’re kissing like it’s all new
And no one has a clue
I’m laughing so hard
I gotta make it look real
I’m empty & they don’t have a clue
No, they don’t have a clue

Even when he gives me the greatest days
makes me smile in so many ways
spends all day trying for my full attention
He might be the only one who can catch when,
My smile turns to a stare in the distance,
And only he’ll know the meaning when my eyes start to glisten

I don’t look happy
Even with his arms around me,
we’re kissing like it’s all new
And only he has a clue
I’m laughing so hard
I gotta make it look real
I’m empty & they don’t have a clue
No, only he has a clue
That I’m thinking of you

If you were to ever have a change of heart..
god I wish you would.

Evolution

I am evolving
Physically
Mentally
Emotionally
Coming to my own
Viewing society how it is
In and out
Viewing life
In and out
Contemplating my morals
New and old
Inspired upon and ones forced upon
Analyzing what I was
And what I am now
Accepting my past
And present
Accepting what I’m thought of being then and the present
Realizing what I truly am for the
Present and future
Realizing I will always be affected by society
Not accepting this