Tug & Pull

A heart can only handle so much tug and pull,
But we all love to have that attention from whoever comes through to you,
So We look for it,
We feen for it,
We search from person to person,
To find that connection,
We want that attention,
That specific affection,
No matter what situations we put ourselves in,
Go to the ends of the Earth to make it happen,
But you should know,
At the end of the day,
Your left with yourself,
This fact is always left a secret,
A secret from ourselves,
Or better yet,
A denial to ourselves,
so all we hear is,
“Yeah girl i’ll be with you forever”
or
“Yeah boy i’ll be with you forever”
And you cherish this promise they hold over you,
Like there is no end to it,
A promise is solid & definite.
Right?
But what if all that trust you put in with them just changes,
And they drop you like not a fuck was lost,
What if the love of your life doesn’t see you as the love of THEIR life,
What happens then?
Yeah you can talk to as many people as you want,
Trying to fill the void,
But speak truthfully,
It only takes a moment for it to empty again,
And your hopelessly,
Hopelessly in love with the idea that THIS person might be it
Even with your logic screaming don’t do it.
And it’s you controlling the reins to your heart
Tugging left
Pulling right
But who are you to let everyone beat it up like its in a fight
A fight to find Mister or Misses right
Just stop going for whatever is there
Don’t settle for another tug
Don’t break for another pull
Because a heart can only handle so much tug and pull
And you know the only one who suffer’s is you and only you.

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Aside

Just to clarify something.

I do NOT need to be made or defined into one of your labels.

Made or defined into what you think I should be, am scared to be or what I’m pretending to be.

Frankly, you don’t have any idea how I see a PERSON in my eyes

How I view

How I feel

When I see something or anything.

So no.

You can’t LABEL me as a fake or as needing me to BE something just because of your insecurities.

From the beginning i never really wanted to label myself, but family and friends we’re confused so I had to give them the best answer I could at the time.

“Family and friends, I am bisexual”

But see, because so many people (mostly girls) have turned “bisexuality” into a one night thing or several drunken nights kissing random girls or your best friend or maybe even farther than that, no one really takes being bisexual seriously anymore. They say it’s just a phase or your just experimenting or you just looking for attention.

Judgements.

That’s all the world knows what to do when they see something different and it’s actually pretty sad. But i cannot hate everyone for doing it because it was how we were taught to think as children. What a surprise, society in America isn’t such a great place to grow up after all even if it’s “getting better”. Sure. We’re still born into such small-minded creatures, so ignorant of “the big picture” There’s more worries in the world about people wanting same-sex marriage and inter-racial couples (yes this is still a big problem) than actual problems, like say world hunger or how about something that hits more to home like children in our country, yes America, they are homeless and hungry.

But sadly, the biggest news since this new year has been this:

How ignorant can people be. #ignorant this just got me so ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜’ #stupid just because he supports gay marriage heโ€™s gay now? #gay  (Taken with instagram)

No Barack Obama isn’t gay. Unfortunately, him supporting gay marriage (which is amazing in my opinion) was the biggest talk of every news station, news paper, and comedy gag since the new year has started. Some say he “came out” until now on his stand in same-sex marriage to get more votes from the youth (I mean why not, it’s a great strategy). But think about it, even if it was for the votes, there is so much that comes with this responsibility to be the first president to support it.

I once saw this magazine cover as foul, ignorant and such a shot at the president, calling him gay just because he supports it. But as a human, I too made a mistake and made judgements. The article pertaining to the cover actually praised the president for finally making a stand and becoming one of the few powerful voices that the LBGT community actually have. The rainbow halo representing an angel to this community. Poetic.

But anyways,

Back to my rant,

The reason why i bring this up is because my mind has not been able to fathom why people think like this. I’m going to focus more on this labeling issue, because in my previous relationship, I felt like the core issue led to this in every single argument. Basically she hated men to the core, and me having previous relationships with men, she was so set on me leaving her for a man and that it was the worst thing I could ever do to her. Turn off and a half. I did not lie about my attraction to guys and I never really did lie to be honest. It was how I felt in the moment and in the moment I always said

“I’ve always been attracted to girls since i was little, I was just to scared to act on it. I’ve tried with guys and I can never get that emotional attachment to them, so don’t be intimidated when I say I’m attracted to men.”

All of this was true. I did try dating many times with guys and even relationships, either the guy was totally wrong or perfect but I wasn’t ready.The only thing that has changed since then is this feeling of restriction. Why is it one or the other? Why does it always have to be heterosexual or homosexual. The one thing i praise about myself is to have grown to have such an open mind. I have learned to use my observational personality to always observe and analyze people and situations. Always a listener. Upon this, I try to learn about a person through and through, and only until then I can set my opinion about them in my head. If I don’t have the time to fully meet them, then I have nothing to say about them. Simple as that, I despise gossip.

So her judgements on me even after our relationship ended, really did tick me off. Not because I still want her or anything of the sort, but because SO many people have this ideology.

Labels. Labels keep our world in order. Labels of sexuality, brand, race, nationality; Just to keep the world going round in an organized fashion. But just like in fashion, there are the Gucci, Louis and Prada’s and the Payless, Tello’s and Walmart’s. Just like in race, in America, the whites are the “majority” and what are the rest called? oh yeah “the minority”. So I know where I stand in the pedestal of sexuality.

I’m not gay

I’m not lesbian

I’m not straight

I’m not bisexual

I’m not transsexual

Just let your small minds think past all of that and just accept the reality. You don’t need to label me. So simple. But I know this is asking too much and people of this generation always want answers and quick! I am one of those people. When I can’t think of an answer or reason I “Google it”. We’re all guilty of doing it but in this little aspect, I hope people slightly open their eyes that it is not needed. So like I said, I hate labels, but I know I can’t avoid them. So as I went though this relationship, I really wanted to find a better answer for her other than bisexual because it is such an over used label and has a bad reputation for just being into girls for a night.

So I “Google’d it” lol and I found something pretty promising:

Pansexuality, or omnisexuality[1] is a sexual orientation characterized by the potential for aesthetic attraction, romantic love, or sexual desire for people, regardless of their gender identity or biological sex. Thus, pansexuality includes potential attraction to people who do not fit into the gender binary of male/female. Some pansexuals suggest that they are gender-blind; that gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others.[2]

The word pansexual is derived from the Greek prefix pan-, meaning “all”. In its simplest form, pansexuality denotes the potential of sexual attraction to all genders. It is intended to negate the idea of two genders (as expressed by bi-).

What I love about this ‘label” is that it doesn’t restrict my attraction to one or the other or has a bad rep. It’s real and is exactly how I feel. I am gender-blind. The way I am is I fall in love or lust with their personality.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,

and in my eye,

I don’t see any boundaries.

So I guess if I have to live in this world of labels, this is the only one I can withstand.

Labels

Our Bond

My best friendsโค
Through thick and thin
Time goes by
Friends come and go
Moments shine and blow
Positives & negatives
My life picture is fully blown
I look past the noise
The blurriness
The clutter
The lies
broken promise
and the fakes
And I know you guys will be there at the end of this
it’s fate
Something you can never lose
A bond unlike any you can choose
untouchable
unbreakable
Something I can’t even comprehend
Sincere love
Never jealous
No judgements
Just comfort
moments will pass
New friends will be made
But we’re magnetized to each other
Sooner or later
Time will bring us together
It always does
It never fails
We always end up in each others arms
We lean on each other
To get through all the bothers
Bring smiles to one another
As well as knowledge like a big brother
And I will cherish the moments we have together
because this friendship is unlike any other
Like I said, our bond is unbreakable
And no matter how long the days pass that we do not speak
We jump into each others lives without fright
We belong in each other
In each others hearts
That’s how I know these blessings are my sisters
Family never parts, and you guys will never part from my heart
It’s that simple
My best friends
My sistersโค

I’ve been waiting for you.. I want you.. I love you.

I can feel your breathe on my neck
Lingering up to my lips
your not even here and I feel you next to me on my bed
Eyes are closed, I can feel your finger tips
Running up my chest,
I inhale your scent and I feel like I’m inside you
And your inside me
Connected impossibly
with a love so impossible
and we’re possibly insane
To feel this close in a time so constrained
Meanwhile your presence has felt like an Eternity..

I’ve been waiting for you.

The time I spend with you feels endless
the world around me isn’t clear
It’s fuzzy and unknown
All I know is your eyes in front of me
The picture of you is fully blown
Clear but uncomprehendable
starring at something I want so much
even if I may fall in an unclear abyss
I want this risk..

I want you.

You can only imagine how much I crave your touch
When I’m with you
I can’t hold your hand enough
Our bodies need to touch
In the same room and I can’t lose sight of your eyes
My eyes look up to you and I can’t help but sigh..
I’m grasping your beauty at every angle
And as my words get tangled
I finally blurt out everything I feel
And it’s like a song coming out of me
Flowing so effortlessly
So naturally
And this is how I know
I owe you
An “I love you”
Because sincerely,

I love you.

You

Sometimes I slip & fall,
I stutter suddenly.
Flaws & all
But that’s the best part of me.
One day I’ll find you,
My deepest company.
& we can share hands
& smile clumsily.
All because we found
Our life’s missing puzzle piece.

God didn’t make labels. Man did. God didn’t make boundaries. Man did.

I think people in general are just beautiful.
No matter what sex, race, shape or form.
If I’m attracted to you, I am.
Why put a label on attraction.
The way love happens, just happens. It’s a force between two souls, two persons.
An imaginary tug between two beings that simply cannot be cut, hidden, or destroyed.
Not by a fraction
Why ruin such a thing?
Why label it as anything and everything when it is just love.
And if it is love, then is shall be.
Right?
.. No.

Love is defined as a shared attraction between man and woman.
Not literally in those words
but in the unwritten rule’s,
the ‘in between the lines’,
the normality of society…
But man made this standard of society, not God…
And although I don’t know much of the man,
God gave us the power to love;
Hand in hand,
Something so sacred, so beautiful, so endless.

& Love knows no boundaries,
but man still makes them,
I just wish there was no standard to live up to.
No fear of rejection.
So it could have been easy to say,
I love her
just as it’s easy to say
I love him.
Wishful thinking I guessin’.

But seriously?
Can’t everyone just accept we were made from and by love
and will keep being made…
Made from love, not hate or fear.
Love never fails
It is proven everyday
And it must be accepted
In any form
Because God made man to love one another
And race or sex cant stand as a boundary any longer.

I Found Love

I’ve wondered a lot when I will ever find this thing called “love” it had me wondering where it could be. Here are my thoughts.

Love is in a rose
Love is in a caring thought
An unnecessary gesture
that extra mile help
Its In between two people when the rest of the world is just a blur
All that is clear is you and her
it’s in that smile he gives you
Even when he’s not around
It’s the emptiness & the fullness
You feel when it’s as cold as ice
And as hot as fire
The love is inside you
In your heart
You carry it with you
Day in and day out
If you’re looking for love
Love is everywhere your not looking
Close your eyes
Feel your breathe being inhaled and exhaled
Hear the thoughts running through your brain
Feel the emotions coming through
Your heart
Your heart signifies love
Their is love within you
Feel your own
Accept it
Own it
Love it
That’s all that is needed,
yourself.
Now finding another
Is just a bonus
We all want that bonus.
But for now I’ll just keep loving the love inside me<3

Ah I need this mentality all the time. Sorry guys I'm not single. I'm in a deep long relationship with myself<3

Boo…

I have a crush and I want it to go awayyy
I have a crush and it’s keepin’ me awakeee
I have a crush and there ain’t no wayyy
We can be friends after last nights kiss
before that kiss I was fine with just friends
before that kiss we could dance and just let the feelings blend
Before that kiss I was okay
Now we’ve kissed & ..
I have a crush on you and now we just can’t be friends.

Free verse havin’ fun type of writing (:

I’ll Love You The Most

By this time your back with her

I’m here with the lights on dim

Really its just a sin

That your missin’ out on me while you gutta with the leech

She’s just sucking you dry

She ain’t worth your time

Stop dealing with a lame when you got me by your side

Well I wanna be by your side

I’ll leave him if you stay by mine

All these days without words leave me with desires

For you and only you

And now I know its true

That I can love someone else after years with a heart turned blue

 

Why have this love affair

Why leave with questions to bear

If we want each other, let’s be fair

You know were just a better pair

I don’t want us living with regrets

So baby don’t fret

Because i’ll bet

You and me are just a better set

 

I’ve been numb, cold as frost, thinking i just lost

… You, but she’s not the one you choose

Is it? Nah I’m better than who you’ve had

As confident as the day I first met you, my bad

I’m not cocky but just speaking #truefacts

It’s just too bad

Distance ain’t nothing but a measurement

But it still leaves me mad

But nobody handles this shit better than us

‘Cause I swear you’re right next to me when we text, just us

It leaves me wanting more like fuck

But I can barely handle this shit like fuck

Can’t I have you without the fuss?

 

Why have this love affair

Why leave with questions to bear

If we want each other, let’s be fair

You know were just a better pair

I don’t want us living with regrets

So baby don’t fret

Because i’ll bet

You and me are just a better set

 

‘Cause all he got on you are just memories

Some cherished, but most are all just ancient history

The next is a title with me, but you can take that so easily

He’s extinct to me

Your riding the bull, you have the reigns on me

He couldn’t handle, but I know you can baby

And you know our sex life would be epic-intensity

Got me with this warm crazy feelin’

Life is feeling so pure with you, pura vida<3

I’m looking at a better future with you, no coldplay reflectin’

Just you and me, viva la vida

 

Why have this love affair

Why leave with questions to bear

If we want each other, let;s be fair

You know were just a better pair

I don’t want us living with regrets

So baby don’t fret

Because i’ll bet

You and me are just a better set

‘Cause with her your settling for less

You know I’m up for the love quest

And you know I’ll be the one who loves you the best

 

Inhale

Sometimes I feel
You’re so near
So near I hold
My breathe till it feels
Like my body can’t bear
I feel chills
I feel tingly
En yet I feel numb
To the reality
But have to breath
let go of all that I want
I don’t want the pain
But I have to breath
I exhale and feel
My heart bulging free
Free and I sense
The aching all over again