Aside

Just to clarify something.

I do NOT need to be made or defined into one of your labels.

Made or defined into what you think I should be, am scared to be or what I’m pretending to be.

Frankly, you don’t have any idea how I see a PERSON in my eyes

How I view

How I feel

When I see something or anything.

So no.

You can’t LABEL me as a fake or as needing me to BE something just because of your insecurities.

From the beginning i never really wanted to label myself, but family and friends we’re confused so I had to give them the best answer I could at the time.

“Family and friends, I am bisexual”

But see, because so many people (mostly girls) have turned “bisexuality” into a one night thing or several drunken nights kissing random girls or your best friend or maybe even farther than that, no one really takes being bisexual seriously anymore. They say it’s just a phase or your just experimenting or you just looking for attention.

Judgements.

That’s all the world knows what to do when they see something different and it’s actually pretty sad. But i cannot hate everyone for doing it because it was how we were taught to think as children. What a surprise, society in America isn’t such a great place to grow up after all even if it’s “getting better”. Sure. We’re still born into such small-minded creatures, so ignorant of “the big picture” There’s more worries in the world about people wanting same-sex marriage and inter-racial couples (yes this is still a big problem) than actual problems, like say world hunger or how about something that hits more to home like children in our country, yes America, they are homeless and hungry.

But sadly, the biggest news since this new year has been this:

How ignorant can people be. #ignorant this just got me so πŸ˜ πŸ˜’ #stupid just because he supports gay marriage he’s gay now? #gay  (Taken with instagram)

No Barack Obama isn’t gay. Unfortunately, him supporting gay marriage (which is amazing in my opinion) was the biggest talk of every news station, news paper, and comedy gag since the new year has started. Some say he “came out” until now on his stand in same-sex marriage to get more votes from the youth (I mean why not, it’s a great strategy). But think about it, even if it was for the votes, there is so much that comes with this responsibility to be the first president to support it.

I once saw this magazine cover as foul, ignorant and such a shot at the president, calling him gay just because he supports it. But as a human, I too made a mistake and made judgements. The article pertaining to the cover actually praised the president for finally making a stand and becoming one of the few powerful voices that the LBGT community actually have. The rainbow halo representing an angel to this community. Poetic.

But anyways,

Back to my rant,

The reason why i bring this up is because my mind has not been able to fathom why people think like this. I’m going to focus more on this labeling issue, because in my previous relationship, I felt like the core issue led to this in every single argument. Basically she hated men to the core, and me having previous relationships with men, she was so set on me leaving her for a man and that it was the worst thing I could ever do to her. Turn off and a half. I did not lie about my attraction to guys and I never really did lie to be honest. It was how I felt in the moment and in the moment I always said

“I’ve always been attracted to girls since i was little, I was just to scared to act on it. I’ve tried with guys and I can never get that emotional attachment to them, so don’t be intimidated when I say I’m attracted to men.”

All of this was true. I did try dating many times with guys and even relationships, either the guy was totally wrong or perfect but I wasn’t ready.The only thing that has changed since then is this feeling of restriction. Why is it one or the other? Why does it always have to be heterosexual or homosexual. The one thing i praise about myself is to have grown to have such an open mind. I have learned to use my observational personality to always observe and analyze people and situations. Always a listener. Upon this, I try to learn about a person through and through, and only until then I can set my opinion about them in my head. If I don’t have the time to fully meet them, then I have nothing to say about them. Simple as that, I despise gossip.

So her judgements on me even after our relationship ended, really did tick me off. Not because I still want her or anything of the sort, but because SO many people have this ideology.

Labels. Labels keep our world in order. Labels of sexuality, brand, race, nationality; Just to keep the world going round in an organized fashion. But just like in fashion, there are the Gucci, Louis and Prada’s and the Payless, Tello’s and Walmart’s. Just like in race, in America, the whites are the “majority” and what are the rest called? oh yeah “the minority”. So I know where I stand in the pedestal of sexuality.

I’m not gay

I’m not lesbian

I’m not straight

I’m not bisexual

I’m not transsexual

Just let your small minds think past all of that and just accept the reality. You don’t need to label me. So simple. But I know this is asking too much and people of this generation always want answers and quick! I am one of those people. When I can’t think of an answer or reason I “Google it”. We’re all guilty of doing it but in this little aspect, I hope people slightly open their eyes that it is not needed. So like I said, I hate labels, but I know I can’t avoid them. So as I went though this relationship, I really wanted to find a better answer for her other than bisexual because it is such an over used label and has a bad reputation for just being into girls for a night.

So I “Google’d it” lol and I found something pretty promising:

Pansexuality, or omnisexuality[1] is a sexual orientation characterized by the potential for aesthetic attraction, romantic love, or sexual desire for people, regardless of their gender identity or biological sex. Thus, pansexuality includes potential attraction to people who do not fit into the gender binary of male/female. Some pansexuals suggest that they are gender-blind; that gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others.[2]

The word pansexual is derived from the Greek prefix pan-, meaning “all”. In its simplest form, pansexuality denotes the potential of sexual attraction to all genders. It is intended to negate the idea of two genders (as expressed by bi-).

What I love about this ‘label” is that it doesn’t restrict my attraction to one or the other or has a bad rep. It’s real and is exactly how I feel. I am gender-blind. The way I am is I fall in love or lust with their personality.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,

and in my eye,

I don’t see any boundaries.

So I guess if I have to live in this world of labels, this is the only one I can withstand.

Labels

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I’ll Love You The Most

By this time your back with her

I’m here with the lights on dim

Really its just a sin

That your missin’ out on me while you gutta with the leech

She’s just sucking you dry

She ain’t worth your time

Stop dealing with a lame when you got me by your side

Well I wanna be by your side

I’ll leave him if you stay by mine

All these days without words leave me with desires

For you and only you

And now I know its true

That I can love someone else after years with a heart turned blue

 

Why have this love affair

Why leave with questions to bear

If we want each other, let’s be fair

You know were just a better pair

I don’t want us living with regrets

So baby don’t fret

Because i’ll bet

You and me are just a better set

 

I’ve been numb, cold as frost, thinking i just lost

… You, but she’s not the one you choose

Is it? Nah I’m better than who you’ve had

As confident as the day I first met you, my bad

I’m not cocky but just speaking #truefacts

It’s just too bad

Distance ain’t nothing but a measurement

But it still leaves me mad

But nobody handles this shit better than us

‘Cause I swear you’re right next to me when we text, just us

It leaves me wanting more like fuck

But I can barely handle this shit like fuck

Can’t I have you without the fuss?

 

Why have this love affair

Why leave with questions to bear

If we want each other, let’s be fair

You know were just a better pair

I don’t want us living with regrets

So baby don’t fret

Because i’ll bet

You and me are just a better set

 

‘Cause all he got on you are just memories

Some cherished, but most are all just ancient history

The next is a title with me, but you can take that so easily

He’s extinct to me

Your riding the bull, you have the reigns on me

He couldn’t handle, but I know you can baby

And you know our sex life would be epic-intensity

Got me with this warm crazy feelin’

Life is feeling so pure with you, pura vida<3

I’m looking at a better future with you, no coldplay reflectin’

Just you and me, viva la vida

 

Why have this love affair

Why leave with questions to bear

If we want each other, let;s be fair

You know were just a better pair

I don’t want us living with regrets

So baby don’t fret

Because i’ll bet

You and me are just a better set

‘Cause with her your settling for less

You know I’m up for the love quest

And you know I’ll be the one who loves you the best

 

The New

I loved so fast
So much I thought it couldn’t last
Even with the pain, he slipped right past
Came out of no where
Gave me presents, no Teddy bears
Nothing you could buy, just emotions, it’s so wierd
Make my hairs stand up,
He had no plans, just his trust
No lines at his punch
Kept me high, while my past was cut
In the air,
we both stared
To Each-other, it was bare
Naked, no lies, all is fair
Showing each layer
Our cuts and tears
Showing off our physicality’s
Better yet, our personalities
Straight forward, no conformities
Really it’s the best I’ve ever seen me
No more weeping, I’m past glee
Your smiles are stuck on my teeth
Don’t stop, Cuz I’m on the pursuit
My happiness is you
I’m only speaking truth
My foots lifted, get the glass shoe
Cus it’s only me and you,
You know what to do
This is just a relief,
knowing you were made for me
No second thoughts, no dealing with the creeps
Cuz we were meant to be.

Summer’s Explanation/500 Days of Summer

Every day I tried to say what you wanted me to say
I could feel the desire in me to be happy for once in my life
And that happiness existed with another person
I wanted it to be you
My family wanted it to be you
But I felt nothing
I felt emptiness
I felt shame
I felt like the love you gave me was unreachable
I reached for it
But it slid through my hands like air
Everyday I tried to say what you wanted me to say
But It honestly didn’t feel right.