Tug & Pull

A heart can only handle so much tug and pull,
But we all love to have that attention from whoever comes through to you,
So We look for it,
We feen for it,
We search from person to person,
To find that connection,
We want that attention,
That specific affection,
No matter what situations we put ourselves in,
Go to the ends of the Earth to make it happen,
But you should know,
At the end of the day,
Your left with yourself,
This fact is always left a secret,
A secret from ourselves,
Or better yet,
A denial to ourselves,
so all we hear is,
“Yeah girl i’ll be with you forever”
or
“Yeah boy i’ll be with you forever”
And you cherish this promise they hold over you,
Like there is no end to it,
A promise is solid & definite.
Right?
But what if all that trust you put in with them just changes,
And they drop you like not a fuck was lost,
What if the love of your life doesn’t see you as the love of THEIR life,
What happens then?
Yeah you can talk to as many people as you want,
Trying to fill the void,
But speak truthfully,
It only takes a moment for it to empty again,
And your hopelessly,
Hopelessly in love with the idea that THIS person might be it
Even with your logic screaming don’t do it.
And it’s you controlling the reins to your heart
Tugging left
Pulling right
But who are you to let everyone beat it up like its in a fight
A fight to find Mister or Misses right
Just stop going for whatever is there
Don’t settle for another tug
Don’t break for another pull
Because a heart can only handle so much tug and pull
And you know the only one who suffer’s is you and only you.

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Our Bond

My best friends❤
Through thick and thin
Time goes by
Friends come and go
Moments shine and blow
Positives & negatives
My life picture is fully blown
I look past the noise
The blurriness
The clutter
The lies
broken promise
and the fakes
And I know you guys will be there at the end of this
it’s fate
Something you can never lose
A bond unlike any you can choose
untouchable
unbreakable
Something I can’t even comprehend
Sincere love
Never jealous
No judgements
Just comfort
moments will pass
New friends will be made
But we’re magnetized to each other
Sooner or later
Time will bring us together
It always does
It never fails
We always end up in each others arms
We lean on each other
To get through all the bothers
Bring smiles to one another
As well as knowledge like a big brother
And I will cherish the moments we have together
because this friendship is unlike any other
Like I said, our bond is unbreakable
And no matter how long the days pass that we do not speak
We jump into each others lives without fright
We belong in each other
In each others hearts
That’s how I know these blessings are my sisters
Family never parts, and you guys will never part from my heart
It’s that simple
My best friends
My sisters❤

Already Paid

I just want someone so bad
Someone I’ll want to talk to every second of the day
When I can’t feel their presence emotionally
I’ll get weary
I’ll feel the empty
space
When their at unreachable distances
Someone who’ll make me do anything for them
buy them whatever, do whatever
Dedicate the perfect love song
And reiterate our love in my own song

my heart is aching
There’s no one there
No one I can call my own
No one that really needs me
Like damn
But I’m too picky myself
Maybe searching in the wrong places
To fill these spaces
In my deep heart
Cuz superficial crushes
mend the surface
But nothing really comes within
Rides my veins
Pumps within
Makes sane me
Turn to insanity
And make my heart skip a beat
just cuz their too sweet
And no one needs to be the beast
Cuz our loves just beauty
It’s that ill, not even at its peak
But where to go
Where to find this person I seek
and how long will it take,
cuz the single life really needs a break
And I keep thinkin like
I just need a new strategy
But meeting all these people giving false hopes make me say
Is anyone real alive? Or are they all fake?
Cuz I’d really like to meet true love
I’d even settle for true lust
but don’t judge me cuz that’s just how society was
I mean is* and I still stand corrected cuz
The life I’m living is “unrealistic” since love didn’t come in high school like everyone else’s
and now people thinkin she lyin when she say she never lost it
but now I’m thinking honest
I pride myself for never doing it
Temptations always there but trust its hard to stop and ruin it
So when I say I’ll settle it’s just lust talking and I might just do it
But I won’t look down upon myself
Cuz Jesus already paid for the sins I haven’t even planned yet
But until then
I’ll stay patient
cuz I still have a conscience
and I don’t wanna blow it
I wanna live in it
And he died for my sinless life
So I’ll live it up and pray to him as best I can
Pray that love will find me first, I need that helping hand
But what’s done is done,
If I don’t have them clean hands
Remember, I am only human.

I’ll Love You The Most

By this time your back with her

I’m here with the lights on dim

Really its just a sin

That your missin’ out on me while you gutta with the leech

She’s just sucking you dry

She ain’t worth your time

Stop dealing with a lame when you got me by your side

Well I wanna be by your side

I’ll leave him if you stay by mine

All these days without words leave me with desires

For you and only you

And now I know its true

That I can love someone else after years with a heart turned blue

 

Why have this love affair

Why leave with questions to bear

If we want each other, let’s be fair

You know were just a better pair

I don’t want us living with regrets

So baby don’t fret

Because i’ll bet

You and me are just a better set

 

I’ve been numb, cold as frost, thinking i just lost

… You, but she’s not the one you choose

Is it? Nah I’m better than who you’ve had

As confident as the day I first met you, my bad

I’m not cocky but just speaking #truefacts

It’s just too bad

Distance ain’t nothing but a measurement

But it still leaves me mad

But nobody handles this shit better than us

‘Cause I swear you’re right next to me when we text, just us

It leaves me wanting more like fuck

But I can barely handle this shit like fuck

Can’t I have you without the fuss?

 

Why have this love affair

Why leave with questions to bear

If we want each other, let’s be fair

You know were just a better pair

I don’t want us living with regrets

So baby don’t fret

Because i’ll bet

You and me are just a better set

 

‘Cause all he got on you are just memories

Some cherished, but most are all just ancient history

The next is a title with me, but you can take that so easily

He’s extinct to me

Your riding the bull, you have the reigns on me

He couldn’t handle, but I know you can baby

And you know our sex life would be epic-intensity

Got me with this warm crazy feelin’

Life is feeling so pure with you, pura vida<3

I’m looking at a better future with you, no coldplay reflectin’

Just you and me, viva la vida

 

Why have this love affair

Why leave with questions to bear

If we want each other, let;s be fair

You know were just a better pair

I don’t want us living with regrets

So baby don’t fret

Because i’ll bet

You and me are just a better set

‘Cause with her your settling for less

You know I’m up for the love quest

And you know I’ll be the one who loves you the best

 

Inhale

Sometimes I feel
You’re so near
So near I hold
My breathe till it feels
Like my body can’t bear
I feel chills
I feel tingly
En yet I feel numb
To the reality
But have to breath
let go of all that I want
I don’t want the pain
But I have to breath
I exhale and feel
My heart bulging free
Free and I sense
The aching all over again

Smirk (not done)

Say you’ll be there
But I don’t even care
I say I care
but I don’t care
I do this so you can feel important
Even if I want you at a far distance
I know it’s apallin’
& know it’s gunna be confusin’
when I want this relationship to end
So then..

I smile at you as I start to say I can’t
I can’t do this anymore
And I’m sorry I’m smiling while I say this
But I suck at explaining shit like this
I smile out of nervousness
I care for you but compared to love? much less
I’m nervous, I don’t wanna hurt the man who’s love I can’t reach
And that’s all you seek
But I’m sorry, my heart stays out of reach

and now you can’t believe what I’m saying, Expected reaction
unexpected that you say you’ll fight for my emotions
Too bad I have no emotions
for you there’s no affection
And I know you saw some before
But you couldn’t see my eyes open
While our lips locked, kissin’
My anxiety whenever you touched me,
the more days past the more I was flinchin’
My body reacting to love uneeded
I know your heart feels beated
But I want this relationship to end
So then..

I smile at you as I start to say I can’t
I can’t do this anymore
And I’m sorry I’m smiling while I say this
But I suck at explaining shit like this
I smile out of nervousness
I care for you but compared to love? much less
I’m nervous, I don’t wanna hurt the man who’s love I can’t reach
And that’s all you seek
But I’m sorry my heart stays out of reach

–this poem sucks, I’m half asleep and with a fever. It needs major adjustments or just a whole new start. I just needed something new to put up.

Take It

I’m not giving up.
Although life may slip up.
I’ve got you on my mind, mind shut.
I can live through the empty cuts.
No luck, but I still crack its lock.
I got that good luck.
Stuffs hitting me like a truck.
But I can handle it.
Stuffs just getting more serious.
But I take it as just a little bit.
Take life easy so I spend my days with an open mitt.
Ready to catch all that bogus shit. Trust me it ain’t easy, but be blessed with the life you have, just take it.