Smirk (not done)

Say you’ll be there
But I don’t even care
I say I care
but I don’t care
I do this so you can feel important
Even if I want you at a far distance
I know it’s apallin’
& know it’s gunna be confusin’
when I want this relationship to end
So then..

I smile at you as I start to say I can’t
I can’t do this anymore
And I’m sorry I’m smiling while I say this
But I suck at explaining shit like this
I smile out of nervousness
I care for you but compared to love? much less
I’m nervous, I don’t wanna hurt the man who’s love I can’t reach
And that’s all you seek
But I’m sorry, my heart stays out of reach

and now you can’t believe what I’m saying, Expected reaction
unexpected that you say you’ll fight for my emotions
Too bad I have no emotions
for you there’s no affection
And I know you saw some before
But you couldn’t see my eyes open
While our lips locked, kissin’
My anxiety whenever you touched me,
the more days past the more I was flinchin’
My body reacting to love uneeded
I know your heart feels beated
But I want this relationship to end
So then..

I smile at you as I start to say I can’t
I can’t do this anymore
And I’m sorry I’m smiling while I say this
But I suck at explaining shit like this
I smile out of nervousness
I care for you but compared to love? much less
I’m nervous, I don’t wanna hurt the man who’s love I can’t reach
And that’s all you seek
But I’m sorry my heart stays out of reach

–this poem sucks, I’m half asleep and with a fever. It needs major adjustments or just a whole new start. I just needed something new to put up.

Advertisements

Sins

If you were in front of me at this time
I’d probably have butterflies
But since your not, all I have for you is despise
Don’t take it as two-face lies
I don’t want everyone else to know I care for you and your lies,
Your malice,
Making me die,
my sinful desire
Temptation without treason
Intent without reason
You just keep me bleedin’
No gauze, no treatment
I hide my feelings so I can be me
While my insides go crazy
Rips and tears
Blood everywhere
But I don’t care
I want you, even if it’s just a layer
This is wrong, I say it in my prayers
But just forget it, I wanna be all better.

An Optical Illusion

If you were to ever have a change of heart..
god I wish you would.
There is no trust to grasp from me,
but there’s nothing else to lie about.
I’m truly empty,
& distractions only fill me temporarily.

They fill me only temporarily
But I look happy don’t I
His arms around me, we’re kissing like it’s all new
And no one has a clue
I’m laughing so hard
I gotta make it look real
I’m empty & they don’t have a clue
No, they don’t have a clue

I love you, I miss you, but if you won’t try happiness with me,
Start over and believe,
One more chance to let us be
If you can’t do that,
I can only try to be happy for you
& your happiness now,
I’m not selfish,
But I still love you, I miss you

I love us, I miss us!
But I look happy don’t I
His arms around me, we’re kissing like it’s all new
And no one has a clue
I’m laughing so hard
I gotta make it look real
I’m empty & they don’t have a clue
No, they don’t have a clue

Even when he gives me the greatest days
makes me smile in so many ways
spends all day trying for my full attention
He might be the only one who can catch when,
My smile turns to a stare in the distance,
And only he’ll know the meaning when my eyes start to glisten

I don’t look happy
Even with his arms around me,
we’re kissing like it’s all new
And only he has a clue
I’m laughing so hard
I gotta make it look real
I’m empty & they don’t have a clue
No, only he has a clue
That I’m thinking of you

If you were to ever have a change of heart..
god I wish you would.