Nala

I had her since I was 6 years old. I just turned 21 in May and she passed in March. She was months away from her 15th birthday. I’ve had her for 15 years of my life. That’s about 72% of my life. But really, I can’t even remember my life as a baby. So really, I’ve had her for as long as I can remember. 100% of the time she was and will always remain a part of my family. She was my sister. From the time we picked her up from Miami to the day she left us in my sisters’ arms, she loved us, over loved us, unconditionally. It’s indescribable the amount of love she showed me because I can’t even understand it. No matter how many times I might have been mad or sad and she instantly forgave my feelings and replaced it with love, trust, and loyalty. That no matter what, I would love her through and through and I was her protector against anything that could harm her. I was her voice. Her eyes only spoke to me that she loved me and trusted her life in my hands. To feed her, hold her, hug her and coddle her as my response. To show her, I accept your trust and I will honor to love you back because there is nothing more precious than unconditional love with loyalty and total trust in something. It’s the most innocent and pure thing to have. To know that this being instantly believes in you so much that you must own up to this responsibility. You cannot let it down. And although we as humans always make mistakes, they forgive us without any doubts. Its amazing to think about because we could never be that naive. We hold grudges and stay bitter. Thats why we love them so much. This bond is so pure and unlike any other bond we can have with a human. A love like no other. I’m realizing now why it hurts so much. Dogs only spend about 15% of years in their owners life. You would think that with there innocent and never evil minded hearts, they should live well past humans, who lose their innocence very fast and knowingly throughout their life. It’s not fair. My Nala deserved a healthy long life. Her love span should have made her live for decades. But life isn’t like that. The greatest things and joys brought to us humans must always come to an end. We do not deserve that love for an eternity. But the fact that they must suffer for our sins is so cruel to me. I’m so sorry Nala. You deserved better. I cannot wait to meet you on the other end. I love you so much, please know you are missed dearly, I know you are waiting for us up there baby.

The New

I loved so fast
So much I thought it couldn’t last
Even with the pain, he slipped right past
Came out of no where
Gave me presents, no Teddy bears
Nothing you could buy, just emotions, it’s so wierd
Make my hairs stand up,
He had no plans, just his trust
No lines at his punch
Kept me high, while my past was cut
In the air,
we both stared
To Each-other, it was bare
Naked, no lies, all is fair
Showing each layer
Our cuts and tears
Showing off our physicality’s
Better yet, our personalities
Straight forward, no conformities
Really it’s the best I’ve ever seen me
No more weeping, I’m past glee
Your smiles are stuck on my teeth
Don’t stop, Cuz I’m on the pursuit
My happiness is you
I’m only speaking truth
My foots lifted, get the glass shoe
Cus it’s only me and you,
You know what to do
This is just a relief,
knowing you were made for me
No second thoughts, no dealing with the creeps
Cuz we were meant to be.

Take It

I’m not giving up.
Although life may slip up.
I’ve got you on my mind, mind shut.
I can live through the empty cuts.
No luck, but I still crack its lock.
I got that good luck.
Stuffs hitting me like a truck.
But I can handle it.
Stuffs just getting more serious.
But I take it as just a little bit.
Take life easy so I spend my days with an open mitt.
Ready to catch all that bogus shit. Trust me it ain’t easy, but be blessed with the life you have, just take it.

An Optical Illusion

If you were to ever have a change of heart..
god I wish you would.
There is no trust to grasp from me,
but there’s nothing else to lie about.
I’m truly empty,
& distractions only fill me temporarily.

They fill me only temporarily
But I look happy don’t I
His arms around me, we’re kissing like it’s all new
And no one has a clue
I’m laughing so hard
I gotta make it look real
I’m empty & they don’t have a clue
No, they don’t have a clue

I love you, I miss you, but if you won’t try happiness with me,
Start over and believe,
One more chance to let us be
If you can’t do that,
I can only try to be happy for you
& your happiness now,
I’m not selfish,
But I still love you, I miss you

I love us, I miss us!
But I look happy don’t I
His arms around me, we’re kissing like it’s all new
And no one has a clue
I’m laughing so hard
I gotta make it look real
I’m empty & they don’t have a clue
No, they don’t have a clue

Even when he gives me the greatest days
makes me smile in so many ways
spends all day trying for my full attention
He might be the only one who can catch when,
My smile turns to a stare in the distance,
And only he’ll know the meaning when my eyes start to glisten

I don’t look happy
Even with his arms around me,
we’re kissing like it’s all new
And only he has a clue
I’m laughing so hard
I gotta make it look real
I’m empty & they don’t have a clue
No, only he has a clue
That I’m thinking of you

If you were to ever have a change of heart..
god I wish you would.